the new old me.. the old new me

So it's about a week to Christmas! And I'll be going home in a matter of days! But still.. busy week ahead of me.. busy weekend ahead of me..

I'm sitting here pumped with anticipation of babi soup.. KY kolo mee.. Big Mouth chicken rice.. drinks at Junk Bar.. just chilling with everyone. and yet at this moment.. a wave of uncertainty sweeps me back to myself sitting on my couch..thinking..

I haven't been back since September. Not long ago if you think about it.. but long also if you think about it.

One concern.

Was back in Ipoh recently and my friend looked at me and said.. you know.. there's something about you that's different. Me prodding and poking about in his head ended with this conclusion: I don't know. just different. Could be JB.

Don't get me wrong. Good times bad times in Ipoh aplenty. Likewise with JB. I would say I'm enjoying my independence.. my having lots of time to contemplate and sometimes not enough time at all.

Work here is pretty much work. Bearable.. sometimes not so bearable.

Drinks after work help. Too many drinks leave me stoned and purging the next morning.

This is me having too much time to think:

So i was thinking.. I'm worried if I go back to Kuching.. it might seem even foreign (*gasps of gasps!) to me. There are so many new places and new faces.. and new old faces.. and faces.. I don't know if I can keep up.

Perhaps its the fact that everyone has moved on into their own routines and here I am hoping to come back to everything that I know.

I'm just someone who left.. and comes back occasionally.. but hopefully not forgotten.

At the same time, I can't help but feel that I will never again be the professional bum having 2 hour yum cha session(s), going for 11 hour happy hours and being able to do anything without a care in the world of my future worldly possessions and my accomplishments on planet Earth.

It was just me.. being.. me.

And now I'm me.. worrying about whether I should buy a car.. or property.. or my year-end appraisal and bonus.. or the endless projects I have to churn out.. and the limited days of leave that I have.. and having planning vacations in advance..

And I'm not sure if everyone can still picture that me as me.. now.

And I hope they won't be disappointed.

hmmm..

time for a cigarette.

A drink perhaps?

drinking.. yes.. the drinking..

comes with the job.

love it.

hate it (mostly the mornings after).

deal with it.

it pays my salary.

life goes on.